Too Cool For a Title
by WriterwithWings1408
Summary: Think of this as the ultimate parody to our favorite book. Sarcasm, Mary-sues, funny pop-culture references. you name it, this story will have it (Sorry I am not good at this whole description thing, I don't write that many parodies)
1. Chapter 1

_**Chapter One. THE MARY-SUE! **_

**Also my very first Parody, after Demonic Dreams I deserve to write a parody so..enjoy**

Ponyboy and Johnny were meeting Dally at the lot on a warm Saturday evening. They walked past a group of girls at the DX. Pony stopped quickly to wave to his brother who was trying to fix something under a red Corvette's hood while a bunch of giggling girls intently focused on his every move. As soon as the boys were out of range from the gas station and sauntering up the old cracked sidewalk to the vacant lot they heard a scream. Johnny glanced at Ponyboy worriedly, They usually stayed out of trouble but they both wanted to investigate. They both took into a sprint and found the girl in minutes. Boy, was she a looker. Long wavy hair with many shades of blonde, her crystal blue eyes shimmered in the setting sun even though it was obvious she was in distress. Her arms were held back by some soc while another soc was throwing punches at her face. The punching soc grabbed hold of the bottom of her half-shirt and studied the material.

"Hey man, check this out, it's a rich-bitch." He laughed

"You asshole I'm a greaser!" she roared. Ponyboy seemed to find some pitiful bravery because he stepped up, ignoring Johnny's warning arm.

"Hey, leave her alone!" The fourteen year old boy said

"And whose gonna make us grease." Ponyboy busted the pop bottle in his hand and Johnny reached for his switchblade.

"We will." He growled.

"C'mon man, they ain't worth nothing." One soc laughed. He and his buddy walked away.

"Are you okay?" Ponyboy asked the blonde girl.

"Yeah I'm fine." She said. Her face was unmarred, her eye make-up flawless and her lips an artificial pink, almost as if she hadn't been beaten to a pulp by a soc just seconds before.

"What's your name?" Johnny asked. Ponyboy stared at him in disbelief, at his little friend's OOC bravery. But seeing this girl had caused a change in our timid little greaser.

"My name is Bianca." She said, sticking her manicured hand out in greeting. Ponyboy shook her hand.

"I'm Ponyboy and that's Johnny." Pony said.

"Ponyboy, what a wonderful name, very unique." Bianca said "And Johnnycake, nice to meet you." She said. She shook Johnny's hand. For some reason in the book Johnny was afraid of girls, but he wasn't afraid of Bianca. No, she was perfect. With her long, flowing blonde hair and crystal blue eyes. Her soft voice sounding like wind chimes on a slightly breezy day, her perfume smelled like roses and sweet peas. There was a puckered scar above her right eyebrow that she said was from her father. A drunk who abused her to no end, raped her, stabbed her, yet here she was sixteen, in a sheer white shirt that billowed and showed off a flat pale stomach and a pair of shorts that stopped before her mid-thighs. A pair of low heeled silver flip-flops adorned her feet with fake diamonds. She was beautiful.

"We're headed to the drive in, you wanna go?" Johnny asked, taking Bianca's pale, perfectly manicured hand. They started walking before she could respond. Ponyboy walked ahead of them, guarding the precious greaser/soc with his life. He looked behind him for about two seconds and he saw Bianca plant a firm kiss on johnny's cheek.

_Damn. _The fourteen year old thought to himself _I was too slow._

**Chapter one of my first parody so please be nice. If it is terrible I will delete it, but I think it will get funnier as time goes on... LUV U ALL!**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter Two – The Time machine**_

Ponyboy and Johnny finally realized what damage a Mary-sue can do and were able to ditch Bianca. Johnny drove his switchblade into her neck and she layed there dying- beautifully- in the movie theater. It had started to rain soon after they left. Karma. It fell quick and sharp like little blades of frozen water, cutting through the grunge of their clothes. They both shivered in the biting wind, but they were already close together trying to preserve heat.

All of a sudden there was a mysterious fog. It was mysterious because of it's color; blues, purples and greens. Ponyboy looked up in a daze, Johnny glanced at him and back at the fog. There was a loud, noise. It sounded like Dubstep, not that the boys knew that that was. **(I hardly even know what it is)**

Out of the fog and noise, came a little shack, it looked like a telephone booth. It was blue and labeled with Police Box. Most of us would call it a...TARDIS! **(for the record I do not watch Dr. Who but my friends do)**

Four teenagers emerged from said TARDIS and glanced at each other.

"Wie Viel Uhr ist es." One girl with mid length brown hair and big brown eyes asked in German.

"I don't know." A tall, lanky black haired boy said.

"This looks really familiar though." Another girl said, She flipped her reddish blonde to a side of her face and her wide green eyes surveyed the area.

"Leave it to the reader." Her friend, a girl with shoulder length brown hair chastised."

"Are we still filming?" the blonde girl asked.

"Yeah, where's your dad Brianna?" The boy asked.

"I don't know but this doesn't look like Twenty-Twelve." Brianna said. The blonde girl, Becca gasped when she finally noticed the shocked greasers.

"Hey, I know you guys." Hey guys," She nearly shouted, addressing her friends " We're in the sixties."

"How do you know?" Her friends asked. She pointed to the nearby sign.

"Jay's Diner!" and a few miles that way is The Dingo." She said pointing westward.

Ponyboy looked at Johnny." _Who the hell is this chick?_

"And That's." Her finger was stuck pointing in front of the greasers. Her mouth hung wide open. She was starstruck. "Ponyboy Curtis and Johnny Cade." This is the last thing that she got to say before she fainted with a sickening thud.

About an hour later, the small blonde girl woke up in a living room. Where? You guessed it! In the Curtis living room. What, that couldn't just leave this future person unconscious in the middle of the road.

"Dude," She slurred. "I just had the craziest dream."

"Were these guy in it?" her friend Jordan asked as the greasers walked into the room. Ponyboy put his hands up.

"Don't pass out again, Darry's still asking me why I brought home an unconscious girl." He said

"Whoa, it is true." Just then another boy walked in. He had dark hair, and was wearing a DX cap and the vest and a pair of jeans. No shirt.

"Hey," He said, taking the seat next to her on the couch.

"I know you, your Sodapop Curits."

"Never seen you around here." He said. This caused Becca to laugh. A confused fangirl laugh.

"Hey, where's Johnny?" She asked.

"Um, Hey Johnny the girl wants you." Ponyboy called into the kitchen.

"What does she want me for?" He asked sauntering out, standing in front of the couch where she now perched on the edge of the seat.

"Hi," She said grinning.

"Hey." He said. She giggled drunkly.

"Man, she may have hit her head harder than we thought. You feeling okay kid? Dizzy? How many fingers am I holding up?" He asked Her, holding up three finger.

"No, I'm okay, I'm just surprised to see you." She said.

"Yeah, you wouldn't believe how much she..." Brianna poked the boy, Matthew's rib bone and he swerved back.

"All's well and she's awake, now how are we gonna get back to our time?" Jordan asked. Always the sensible one.

"Back, Back where?" Becca asked. Still staring at the greasers in front of her. It wasn't a suggestive stare, but it was getting a little worrisome.

"Back Home this isn't our time, don't make Brianna give the whole time paradox speech again, you know how that turned out." Jordan said.

"Yeah and we have to finish filming that video for Tuesday." Matt added.

"Speaking of, that TARDIS is made of cardboard how did it actually transport us to the sixties?" Brianna asked.

That's when Dr. Who appeared out of the real TARDIS.

"Who dares disturb the time -" He was immediately interrupted when Brianna and Jordan attacked him with a flying hug.

"Oh- EM-Gee! It's Dr. Whooo! One of them shrieked. Matt looked at Becca who looked back equally shocked, if not disturbed.

"Can someone please remove these two girls from me?" The seventh, eighth, ninth (seriously how many are there?) Doctor asked.

Matt pulled the two said girls from the doctors anatomy and he began his question again.

"Who created a time paradox and why?" Becca thought back to the rather heated debate the four of them had while filming this project for school and remember Brianna saying something about a time paradox being something that would alter the future, a simple clue about what's to come and how it could completely change the course of the universe. And speaking of, If Johnny and Dallas weren't dead yet they would be soon.

"Hey, Johnny!" She called The nervous tanned greaser inched toward this strange girl who was already acting strange around him. But she didn't seem as bad as Bianca.

"Yeah Kiddo?" He asked.

"Drop the whole kid thing, I'm probably only a month or so younger than you," She started " And second," She whispered this part so that the already angered Doctor wouldn't overhear. "There will come a night when your friend Ponyboy will get jumped there is nothing you can do to avoid it. But then your friend Dallas Winston will ask you and Ponyboy to go to the drive -in with him. There you will meet a snotty, stupid broad that no one likes except for Ponyboy. Idiot. Anyways she'll be griping about her stupid drunk soc boyfriend and she'll invite you to sit up with their and her friend. Decline. Or if you can't. Some more stuff will happen and you'll have a run in with the soc that beat you up. Oh yeah I know about that too' poor baby, I hope your alright." She paused looking at her group of friends still clawing at the disturbed doctor. "Do not under any circumstances go to the lot! Go directly to Ponyboy's house. Watch the stars from the backyard. Something bad will happen otherwise and you will die. Do as I say and you will live long and prosper. PS. I love you."

That's when Matt and Jordan grabbed Becca and and pulled her into the TARDIUS and they went back to their own time.

"Dude," Jordan said stepping back into Brianna's garage. "That was so weird."

"Let's go to the future!" Brianna said, running back into the painted prop Becca had constructed for their video project.

"NOOOOO!"


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter Three- Pop Culture Refrences.**_

**Ya'll remember Jazmine, My main fanfiction Star? Well she's back, she's just needed for this chapter, maybe another. I know someone likes her because he/she reviewed once saying 'This is great I 3 Jazmine' Anyway this chapter is going to be interesting. You know all those iconic movie and book moments well...LOL! Glossary at the end of the story for those who couldn't guess the references.**

It was a cold day in the small East side town of Tulsa Oklahoma. Rain fell heavily and loudly as a certain tired looking greaser girl ran down into the heart of the town. She was headed for **The Winchester.** The best and oldest bar in town, also where her friend was waiting for her. She coughed and took a puff from her inhaler. She probably didn't need it as much anymore but it was the first day she had been outdoors since she got that respiratory infection. She found out through Ponyboy and Johnny about Bianca, and those kids with their future clothes who spoke about filming a movie. About the strange man who cried about Time Paradoxes and was attacked by the crazy teen girls, and the strange thing the girl Becca had said: They'd go to the movies and in the end Johnny could possibly die? No way. Still 'twas a greasers life. The Winchester's modest sign flickered in the gray light of the day as Jazmine hurried inside. The din of old corny music, clacking pool balls, whatever football game was on, and stale scent of Cigarettes and beer were always a welcome to her. She had dated the bar owner's son for a few months and this place was always full of happy memories.

"There she is." The bar owner's son, **Ash **yelled over the music as he gave his ex-girlfriend a hug. "How you doing" He asked.

"Better." She said, looking around to find Two-bit.

"He's in the back booth." She sauntered out of Ash arms and slid into the booth across from her friend.

"You better watch yourself there Minnie."-Two-bit warned quietly.

"Why?" She asked, taking a sip of his beer."

"**I hear Ash's new girlfriend is..."** He looked around slowly. **"Crazy.'**

"**I laugh in the face of danger MUHAHA!**." She laughed lowly, there was a cough, Jazmine took a puff from her inhaler.

"I'm a big tough girl she says." Two-bit mocked her.

"**I-I have to go."** She said, as Ash came over with a glass of water she took a sip of it and ran out of the bar.

"**Your...Welcome?" **Ash stammered after she left. "What did you say to her?" He asked

"Nothing." Two-bit said defensively.

Jazmine steered left instead of right to her house. She decided to go to the Curtis house. As she was walking though. She came across the alleyway. She saw what looked to be a greaser, fighting with a girl. The girl was dressed in what appeared to be a dress if you could call it that. The dress that ended just before her thighs, and had the lowest cut top she had ever seen. She found herself watching what seemed to be an argument. The guy held her buy the shoulders, shaking her roughly every so often.

"**You couldn't leave well enough alone could you little twerp?** He growled. "**No, you just had to butt in." ** He stopped a moment and both of them turned. The girl, who couldn't have been much older then the seventeen year old girl watching them screamed. When I say screamed she really _screamed!_ **With her hands flat against her gaunt cheeks and her mouth wide open in surprise she looked like that kid from the home alone films. The then two of them in the Alley just vanished, dissipated. **

_That was strange._ Jazmine thought to herself as she continued to her friends' house. Just then this crazy soc, the one she could have sworn jumped her a few weeks ago ran up beside her at the speed of light and without pausing for a breath shouted: "**Meep Meep!" **Then was gone.

"What?" She called back at the trail of dust in his wake.

_Why is everything seem so familiar?_ She wondered to herself. She neared the Curtis residence. From outside she could see the flicker of what appeared to be strobe lights. Opening the door, a familiar tune played and all of the Curtis, including their long dead parents were dancing to **Thriller.**

**Review Please! LUV U!**

_**Glossary:**_

**The Wichester: **A local bar in the movie _Shaun of the Dead._

**Ash:** Ash(ley) J. Williams from _The Evil Dead Series._

"**I hear ash's new girlfriend is crazy": **Reference from the popular YouTube video _Overly attached girlfriend._

"**I laugh in the face of danger. MUHAHA.":** Simba in the first _Lion King_ movie.

"**I-I have to go." **Elphaba from _Wicked_

"**Your...Welcome?" **Galinda/Glinda _Wicked_

"**You couldn't leave well enough alone could you little twerp?** **"No, you just had to butt in."** Johnny Lawerence, _Karate Kid_

"**With her hands flat against her gaunt cheeks and her mouth wide open in surprise she looked like that kid from the home alone films. **Obviously the Home Alone films

"**The the two of them in the Alley just vanished, dissipated." **Any ghost movie when the crucial ghost is first seen than disappears.

"**Just then this crazy soc, the one she could have sworn jumped her a few weeks ago ran up beside her at the speed of light and without pausing for a breath shouted: "Meep Meep!" Then was gone." **Roadrunner from the old cartoons I watched as a child.


End file.
